Be Assertive Learning Review.

 In the past few weeks, our class has been learning about how to be assertive in a situation or how to use assertive communication when you are in a very tough situation. This post is about a review of my learning so far in preparation for my assessment in English. 

Here is a link to the teacher's resource that shows what we've been learning in class.

QUESTIONS:

1. What are the four types of behavioral responses, and what does each mean (in your own words)?

• Aggressive: Being competitive and making strong attempts just win. Being rude and disrespecting others without thinking about how they will feel, therefore causing trouble or violent behavior.
• Passive: When you accept or allow what happens or what others do, without any active response or resistance.
• Indirect: When you get someone else to do the job for you instead of you figuring out how to solve the situation that has been caused. 
• Assertive: Standing up for your own right in a calm and positive way, without being aggressive or being passive about the situation.

2. What is the definition of Assertive Communication?

• Assertive communication is when you have to ability to express negative and positive thoughts by respecting yourself and also respecting other people and standing up for your right, without abuse, dominant/control, or any unwanted behavior.

3. What are the three ‘describes’? When should you use them?

• Describe the situation: be specific, objective, focus on the behavior, not the motives.
• Describe your feelings: use ''I'' statements. Do not be emotional. Focus on positive feelings related to your goals rather than the negativeness of the other person. Explain the way you feel.
• Describe the change you want: be specific, and also be reasonable at the same time. State your course of action politely by firmly.

4. List and explain 5 of the ‘Assertive Communication Tools’. Think of your own example for each.

• Think as well as we: don't just think of yourself but also think about the other person and include everyone.
• Be positive: Get rid of the negative thoughts and just stay positive with all the things that you want to say to the other person.
• Acknowledge their feelings: Consider the feeling of the other person because they might make a mistake but just be mindful about what you say to them because what you say could hurt them without you noticing.
• ''I'' statement: Be specific with how you are feeling about the situation so that they can take you seriously. Decide on what you want to say first before you say it, in that way you can avoid offending the other person.
• Ask for help: It's always good to ask for some help when you don't know what to do in a very tough situation.

5. List and explain in your own words 3 barriers to assertive communication.

• Culture: The most thing that stops people from having assertive communication is culture this is because everyone has different values and beliefs and it's really hard to speak up and do stuff when you fear that you might offend someone else or you don't want to break the rule that your culture has. For example, in some cultures, women are not allowed to perform in public or anywhere because they are seen as seductive by men.
• Age: Today people still have the beliefs that should always be valued no matter what. Therefore it makes them struggle when they have someone that is younger than them is being assertive when they communicate and some people might think that they are being rude. However, there are also other people who think that age doesn't really matter but they still find it difficult to talk to people who are older than them cause they don't want to disrespect them. 
• Bias: If a person does not like another person and that person speaks assertively to them about something else. This might perceive the communications being aggressive rather than being assertive, and respond negatively towards them.

6. What does assertive communication look like?

• Assertive communication is maintaining eye contact and facing the person. Sitting up straight and no slouching. Lean forward slightly, tilt your head, and nod occasionally to show that you are listening. Relax arms, don't cross them, don't point out fingers, don't point fingers, don't stiffen them at your sides.

7. What does assertive communication sound like?

• Be very clear with what you are saying so that they can understanding everything that you are trying to say. Be calm. The sound of your voice should also be at a varying level.

8. What does it mean to act like a scratched record when it comes to your boundaries?

• It means that you should stand your ground and do what you know is right, however, try and avoid causing trouble.

9. Think back to a time when you or a friend used a behavioral response that was not assertive. What type was it? What did you say? What happened as a result? What could you have done differently?

Example: My friend kept canceling on me, and so I just stopped reaching out to her or making any plans with her. This was a passive response and as a result, our friendship disintegrated. I could have let her know my feelings and the changes I wanted to see, and perhaps that would have repaired the relationship.

• ''I think that I should let you know that I'm hurt because every time we make plans to hangout you would always cancel on me the very last minute. You're a very good friend and I really love hanging out with you. I would appreciate it if you show more commitment to our friendship because I don't want this friendship to go to waste. So I'm wondering maybe next time we make plans please let me know beforehand that you won't make it so that we can figure out something else. Thank you''

10. Reflect on your behavioral responses until now. How do you usually respond to tricky situations? Do you want to change the way you respond, moving forward? What will you try to remember in the future when difficult situations arise?

• Most of the times I'm really passive about it because I'd feel bad if I actually let them know what my true feeling is and sometimes I just let it go and ignore it thinking that it's alright because they will not do it again but it turns out they keep on doing it and you just have to go along with it thinking that it's alright. Also because you don't want to ruin or damage anything.
• I really think that I'm going to change this because if I keep letting them slid with it they would think that they can do it again because you won't really care and you would just let it go, therefore meaning that I should speak up and let them know what I'm actually feeling so that they can avoid doing it.
• I would try and be straight forward with them but in a calm, positive and respectful way in that way, they won't misunderstand anything and it will make them feel that you are also respecting their feeling.